Tuesday, July 27, 2010

14 Point Treatise on Why Slayer Rulz (Or How To Make Fun of Brooklyn Hipsters for Hating Metal)

1) SLAYER RULZ

2) ALL PEOPLE THAT RULE LOVE SLAYER

3) ALL THEIR FUCKING SONGS SOUND LIKE YOU'RE SUMMONING A DEMON IN YOUR STEREO

4) THE SONG ANGEL OF DEATH WAS WRITTEN ABOUT WHAT WILL COME TO TAKE YOUR SOULS IN WILLIAMSBURG IF YOU DON'T GET RID OF THOSE FUCKING HORNRIMMED GLASSES. ITS BEEN FUCKING 12 YEARS WITH THOSE FUCKING THINGS GET RID OF THEM ALREADY. YOU DON'T LOOK COOL YOU LOOK LIKE A JACKASS

5) HELL AWAITS

6) I AM NOT DRUNK

7) SHOW NO MERCY

8) BAD ASS FUCKING METAL SHIT

9) PULP ONCE SACRIFICED A GOAT TO SATAN OUR DARK LORD AND MASTER IN HIGH SCHOOL FOR 2 CREAM CHEESE BAGELS WITH DORITOS ON THEM FROM THE CAFETERIA AFTER A TWELVE DAY SLAYER AND GLUE BENDER

10) THE SONG HARDENING OF THE ARTERIES IS ABOUT DOMINO'S PIZZA GARLIC SAUCE

11) SATAN HIMSELF HAS ENDORSED BOTH SATAN AND SQUALOR

12) SLAYER HAS A PINBALL APP FOR IPHONES. SUCK ON THAT HIPSTER BROOKLYN LOSERS READING THIS SHIT

13) REIGN IN BLOOD

14) WATCH THE ENDING OF SHADOWGATE ON NINTENDO WITH SLAYER PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND - YOU'LL GET IT

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