Thursday, June 3, 2010

I Understand There Are Changing Standards of Beauty But This Is Ridiculous

Young people, as we all know, can't be trusted with anything. Unfortunately, they're prodigious spenders of their parent's cash, which means they get trusted with the keys to the pop culture car. Sometimes it spawns phenomena that are irritating but understandable. Other times, there's this:

Come on adolescents! You can't do any better than this? If you want music what with the throbbing bass for you to listen at your underage sex parties just listen to some fucking house music or something. I need to know what the purpose of this song/video is aside from providing sixteen-year-old boys with Ke$ha blowjob masturbation fantasies.

More importantly, I want to know if this guy is actually a teen girl fantasy:

Teenage girls hate the idea of sex with teenage guys because they're awkward, immature, and probably have braces. It's not shocking that even the most nonthreatening teen idols are older than their shrieking fans, but this guy from 3OH!3 is really pushing it. Really, what is this guy, six hundred?

Putting age aside, how is he even attractive to a ridiculous scene girl? Say what you will about Brokencyde (and Lord knows I have) but at least they look the part. This guy looks like the failed result of a Tom Brady cloning project, but not even the kind of failure that creates a bitter, revenge obsessed loner. He looks like your dad's creepy friend who works as a middle management failure and begs you to not mention the time he got drunk at the barbecue and put his hand uncomfortably high on your thigh. Makes me wish I was young again. I could compete with that.