Wednesday, March 17, 2010

A List Of Movies For Jose Reyes To Watch With His Family

I had a whole thing ready about Jose Reyes and how he's gone from franchise savior to ridiculously underappreciated in the blink of an eye, but then he went and got thyroiditis or something else that fits perfectly in the Mets' narrative the last year and a half. Seriously though, from age 22-25 Jose Reyes had better numbers than Jimmy Rollins, get off the guy's case. While trying to prevent rioting in Queens and other pockets of Mets support, Jose's agent, Peter Greenberg, assured us his client would rest up as per doctor's orders and "just watch a lot of movies with his family." Well that sure makes me feel better, but just in case movie night at the Reyes household is getting stale, I have a few suggestions that will entertain him and keep him connected to the team.

The Royal Tenenbaums
Don't get me wrong, the Mets don't have nearly the pedigree of the Tenenbaum family, but things rapidly improved in 2005 and 2006 to the point where Omar Minaya looked like a genuis, Willie Randolph looked like a managerial prodigy, Jose Reyes and David Wright looked like future Hall of Famers and the Carloses Beltran and Delgado would provide stability for a time. Then Omar lost his touch, Willie lost the team, Jose lost his brain, David lost his power swing and one Carlos lost his knees and the other his hips. Also, family friend Paul Lo Duca made racially charged comments about the fact that his teammates didn't talk to the press.

The Big Lebowski
Where's the money Lebowski Wilpon? The absurdist farce that is the Mets front office is at this point comparable to the circular non-logic that dominates the world of Lebowski. Bunny was kidnapped, except that she wasn't. Omar Minaya is the top decision maker...except when he's not. The Dude isn't a private dick but everyone thinks he is. Jeff Wilpon isn't a real baseball executive but he thinks he is. There never was any money in the suitcase. It also appears there's none in Flushing. (Note: This selection can also be replaced with Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead)

Fatal Contact: Bird Flu in America
Pretty self-explanatory I'd say. The Mets rash of injuries last year spread like a virus that no government could stop, starting with Carlos Delgado's hip and peaking with Johan Santana's elbow exploding and David Wright's brains getting scrambled. Admittedly, this one has been sitting on my shelf unwatched, so I don't know if it's any good, but I do know that it's about an overhyped barely pandemic that was supposed to kill us all. Also it has Ann Cusack, who I guess is that Cusack no one talks about. I wonder why.

Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind
What a classic. When Jose and Mrs. Jose have put the kids to bed, they can cuddle up and watch this one and learn that even the most painful relationships aren't worth completely erasing from our minds. Except of course in the case of the 2007, 2008 and 2009 Mets. I recommend this one with the hopes that Jose shows it to the Wilpons, who then use whatever remains of their Monopoly money to fund research for memory erasing technology so that we can all just forget the last three years.

Step Up 2: The Streets
Dude loves dancing.

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