Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Well That Was Fun

Excuse the radio silence, it mostly had to do with a brutal all day hangover followed by the remarkably dumb idea that I could go drinking at midnight on a Monday and still get home at a reasonable hour. Who's a champ? I am.

First, most importantly, let me thank the New Orleans Saints for preventing my, Katie Baker's and a terrified nation's nightmare of Favre v. Manning in Miami. The amount of Manning home movies and "Like a kid out there" pabulum would no doubt push an edgy populace into open revolt. Now then, with business out of the way, let's get to the teeth gnashing.

Nah, just kidding. As much as it sucks to watch your team give away an 11 point lead in the AFC Championship game, it hurts a lot less when they had almost no business being there. When I was at Retail Hell today, I was talking about the game with a co-worker. We both agreed it was a hell of a run, although maybe I went a little far when I said "Anyone who said at the beginning of the season that this team would be in the AFC Championship game and have a lead at halftime should have been institutionalized." I still believe it though. Rookie coach, rookie QB, a new system for everyone except maybe Bart Scott and Jim Leonhard to learn, Jets fans weren't expecting great things, and that's before taking into account the Just End The Season mentality that we have.

Sometimes, like the first three games of the season, it was great. Sometimes, like the middle of the season, it was painful and we covered out eyes but didn't lose faith. Oh sorry, that should have read "totally gave up." Then things got miraculous (discounting the loss to Atlanta), which is a word that hasn't been ascribed to the Jets for forty years. Of course, every miracle carries the capability of running into a propeller of science and cold logic, and this propeller happened to have a laser rocket arm.

Yeah, I'll give Peyton Manning some credit, although you never would have guessed I could be that gracious during the game as I showed the world a ludicrously high person could be driven to screaming fits of "How the fuck do you miss that call?" and "Fuck yourself Dwight Lowery!" Dude adjusted and realized that Dwight Lowery was horrible and picked on him all the way downfield until the Jets would go into that zone coverage with ten yards between them and the end zone. So congrats Manning, I hope you throw four picks in Miami.

So I suppose now we wonder how to proceed. As the clock ticked down to zero, I tried to figure out what the Jets needed aside from another corner, and according to ESPN's ludicrously early Mock Draft, the Jets also need a wide receiver, specifically Notre Dame's Golden Tate. I'll take it, although I wonder about the kind of hatred a pretty boy USC QB teaming up with a ND wide receiver would elicit. It's already for the best to not go on the road, I don't even want to think about what would be next.

There are real downers in this of course, like the fact that Mark Sanchez will not be buying me that drink at the Northeast Kingdom. As a Met fan, I also can't help but wonder if this is a glorious retcon of a typically downtrodden franchise or just another 2006 NLCS. Getting close and not quite making it doesn't hurt as much if you think there's a bright future and before September 2007 that's what it looked like the Mets had. Stop laughing. Also, the Times also has a pessimist's view of potential off-season moves, but anything that involves getting rid of Lito Sheppard has to be seen with a silver lining.

Now that the magical ride is over, the question must be asked: Is our children learning (#Leno style) Have we learned anything about ourselves in the process of devoting our lives to genetic freak millionaires? Ordinarily I'd say no, but for once, I have learned something about myself, and it came on that fateful Sunday. As it turns out, I am absolutely horrible at explaining football to the uninitiated. I was sitting at a bar with my friend when the game came on and she asked me to explain football to her. For some strange reason, I started with the role of the offensive linemen, before going into the whole four downs thing, and then started trying to explain it by drawing the offensive and defensive lines. I mixed those up, using X for offense and O for defense and things eventually got to the point where she took my pen and drew a beard on Angelina Jolie to match the one on Brad Pitt. Admittedly, it was a pretty good beard.

So, while we probably retire the "FOOTBALL" tag for the foreseeable future, save for maybe a couple Super Bowl related posts, I can be content following the other teams I love, like the Knicks. Or uhh, the Rangers. Annnnd...the Mets? Christ, wake me up when Brett Favre is putting on his Bears jersey.


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