Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Gizmodo Writers Never Get Laid

Well maybe they do, but there are certainly some bloggers out there who never get laid, and so by extension, the writers at Gizmodo probably aren't exactly doing it "doggy fashion" either.

What, you have a problem that logic? Perhaps you should note that it is the exact same approach taken in one of Gizmodo's recent posts, "English Football Squad Arsenal to Broadcast Live Replays to Hooligans' PSPs in the Stadium." Now admittedly, its a funny headline, but the problem is that most of the article is spent mocking football fans instead of discussing the (pretty freaking cool) technology...

Soon, loutish Englishmen with a penchant for portable gaming will watch replays on their PSP during Arsenal home games. Mainly to prove that Irishman down the aisle deserved to lose his teeth.
The software, being developed by Sony especially for Arsenal's super-fancy Emirates stadium in North London, could also potentially link up fans in the stadium and allow them to chat in real time. Yes, because the torrent of spittle and obscenities bursting forth from every maw just isn't enough "interaction" for our modern age. The system could be live by the end of next season.
(emphasis added)

I understand that most people think this way about soccer fans, but ignoring the fact that Arsenal simply doesn't have much of a hooligan base, its just bad taste to base an article on such a view. Gizmodo is a tech blog, and rather than taking the opportunity to note that football fans take advantage of the web far more than fans of other sports, the site chose to take cheap shots at them. Basically, the writer seems to take the attitude that since one football fan is a hooligan, the only people who could possibly follow the sport are thugs well. If the editors knew that this guy felt this way, they probably should have had someone else write the article so we could get more out of it than negativity.

Ultimately, I know that Gizmodo is a great site and most of its writers probably groaned once they saw this, just like I know that most of them probably get laid on a regular basis. But hey, I also know (just like this writer) that sensationalism and generalizations get readers, so I'll give the technique a spin. Who knows, maybe we can draw a fourth (or even fifth!) visitor to the blog.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Astros Sign Beached Whale To Minor League Deal

HOUSTON -- The Astros added another candidate to their starting-rotation pool when they signed a beached sperm whale to a Minor League contract and invited him to Major League Spring Training on Tuesday.

The whale, 34, is a sperm whale, otherwise known as the physter macrocephalus. It shares many features common to its kind such as a large head and a taste for squid and fish. When the whale originally washed up on the shores of Galveston over a year ago, wildlife experts predicted it would die within days. However, the whale, given the name "Russ" by bewildered locals, defied all predictions and has survived to this day.

Despite its lack of major league experience, Astros General manager Ed Wade was confident that Russ would be a viable competitor for the Astros' vacant fifth starter position. Wade sent pro scout Jack Lind to Arizona last September to watch Russ work out, and he received favorable reports about the 34-year-old righty.

"[Lind] watched him throw and thought he threw free and easy, with no apparent physical issues at all," Wade said. "It's something [assistant GM] David [Gottfried] has been working on for a couple of months. At different points in time I'm sure [Russ] was looking for a big league deal, but we believe he'll have every opportunity to win a job during Spring Training."

"What the hell am I supposed to do?" an embittered Wade then added. "Our goddamn cheapskate owner won't pony up for any free agents and Derek motherfucking Lowe just went for $15 mil a year. You want this job buddy?"

Houston residents were surprisingly supportive of the move.

"You know, all those experts were saying Russ was gonna die, but then he didn't, so the whale has heart, I'll tell you that much," said Chris Ray, a bartender who resides in Meyerland. Still, Ray had some misgivings about the contract. "Couldn't they have found a whale that was a lefty?"

Four rotation spots are seemingly already secured by Roy Oswalt, Mike Hampton, Wandy Rodriguez and Brian Moehler. That leaves the fifth starter spot up for grabs. Russ, Brandon Backe and Clay Hensley are expected to compete for the job, and it's possible the Astros could add more names to the mix before Spring Training begins.