Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Answers Like They Oughta Be

Matt Cerrone posted a tweet from some fan asking why the Mets didn't trade for Aubrey Huff. No, not in 2006, like, now, as in 2009 in August. Matt runs a family friendly blog and also seems like a level headed guy, so obviously he didn't respond the appropriate way. Instead, he was very diplomatic, pointing out that it's not June and the Mets are very much out of it. Still, I think jma201 deserves an honest answer and I'm very much prepared to give it to him.

Are you fucking brain damaged buddy? Have you looked at a little thing called the standings? Because if you had, I'm sure you would realize that the Mets currently sit eight games under .500, and it's August. Fucking August! In what possible world would giving away a minor league player, any minor league player, for Aubrey Huff make sense when your team is obviously dead in the water? I mean, if the player you trade ends up becoming even David goddamn Eckstein, YOU FUCKING LOSE! You've traded league average production for a quarter season's worth of utter crap. And for what? Obviously you live in some kind of fantasy world, but if Aubrey Huff on the Mets is your fantasy, your parameters for this endless world of imagination are completely fucked up. You need to get out more, you really do.

Why wouldn't the Mets trade for Aubrey Huff? Maybe because since June 1st, Aubrey Huff has put up the following Ruthian Aaron XXIV line: .242/.307/.347. Well good fucking God, who could possibly look at numbers like that and not be blown away...by how brain meltingly dumb you are for suggesting the Mets import that. For comparison, Daniel Murphy's numbers in the same time period: .249/.303/.357. Yes, that's right, Daniel Murphy, widely considered an enormous disappointment has been outclassing ten year veteran Aubrey Huff at the plate. But no, you're right, it makes perfect sense to bring him on board and displace Murphy so that we can watch our "left handed power bat" be outslugged by Luis motherfucking Castillo.

Honestly, it's going to be a certified fucking miracle if Aubrey Huff manages to hit 20 home runs this year. And this, this is the answer to you? What else do you have on the MENSA agenda after fixing the Mets' offensive woes with this trade? Solving global hunger through a "Food Is Good" campaign? With some posters and large rallies and imporant celebrity PSAs? Because you're so smart? Aubrey Huff was never the answer in 2009 and the idea that anyone thinks he was should just go play in traffic on the Van Wyck for all the good you're doing as rational human beings.

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