Ah What The Hell, Let's Panic

The Mets are 3-4 now and have at times looked totally clueless out on the field. Still, 7 games in is no time to start pulling your hair out or ripping the pages out of phone books or destroying boxes inexplicably left in your hallway even though you moved in months ago. Still, I'm bored, and the only other thing I could possibly do right now is write eight hundred words about how Steve Phillips is a total asshole for gravely intoning about how when he was the Mets' GM he heard Bernie Madoff's name every week. Admittedly most of those words would involve calling him an asshole and a sex fiend. So let's look rational thought in the eye, spit in its face and panic instead.

Maybe if I was remaining calm I would excuse a couple of crappy early starts by Mike Pelfrey. It's only two starts in a season where he'll probably have 30-34.

No no no no. Mike Pelfrey looked like shit, he looked absolutely horrible. The one time I get an internet feed working correctly to watch a game, I have to watch the apparent number two starter leave the ball up in the low-90s and barely throw any breaking pitches. Plus I have to keep listening to Orel Hersheiser remind me of this every inning. Shut up Orel, you're making me nervous.

If I wasn't panicking I would point out that the Mets are going to need some time to adjust to how Taxpayer Field plays.

Fuck that, the field plays like it's fucking Sonic Spinball. And seriously, that outfield, who designed that outfield, a man with an Usain Bolt cloning machine? See, you need to be fast to cover all that ground and with the slick grass and Usain Bolt is...ok I'll stop.

I might comfort myself with the thought that the Mets offense is better than the first 7 games have indicated. David Wright hit a clutch two out home run to tie the game.

Or this is what this team is going to do all damn year, blow opportunities, not hit with two outs and not get hits, much less runs, late in the game.

The Mets sure do seem to have this goofy history lately of not being able to hit unheralded rookie pitchers. If it keeps happening a couple years from now it can just be another quirky part of our identity.

Are you fucking fucking with me it took a miracle to score five runs against Carlos Walter Silva. Why doesn't this team beat pitchers I've never heard of? Is it some kind of terrible curse? What pitching prospect is buried beneath the old Shea field for this to be happening all the time?

It's only seven games in to the season. Fuck, the Red Sox suck right now and the Blue Jays and Mariners are in first place.

Holy fucking hell the Mets are the only team in the NL East with a losing record aside from the Washington Nationals. Why oh why are they 3-4? And what's David Eckstein doing having epic at bats against J.J. Putz and hopping around to point out a balk (a balk!) by Pedro Feliciano? Will someone just catch him in a Havahart trap already and get him out of my life?

Anything else?

Gary Sheffield is starting on Wendesday.

Super duper...




P.S. Steve Phillips is a sex offender.