Tuesday, August 26, 2008

With Responses Like This, I Hope There's An Assassination Threat Everyday!

We've got our first possible maybe assassination plan against Barack Obama, and it didn't disappoint. Is there any better publicity for the efficiency and capability of the white power movement than a bunch of cranked up metheads who can't even keep their shit together on the first day of the Democratic convention?

But since the threat isn't too credible, I think instead of worrying about Barack's safety, it would be more fun to lurk on right wing blogs and find and post their respectful prayers for The Candidate's safety. After all, we all know it's just those left wing blogs that are the new KKK and traffic in hate speech, right? Show us the way readers of Hot Air!

(Note: You might want to open these in a new window to read them clearly)

If you can give me one reason why saying Obama should be relocated to Africa isn't monstrously racist, I'll give you nude Miley Cyrus pictures.
Every politician dreams they can pick up the coveted "assassination plot bounce," especially coming in conjunction with the convention bounce. Why, Obama just might win the election off this!
That's a pretty nutty way to blame Obama for his own assassination attempt, but I'm looking for something more succinct.
Oh, there it is.
I don't know how a news item about people using guns to harm other people turned into a referendum on drugs, but OK. I just know I've never heard of anyone adding a sniper scope to a vial of crack.
Actually, I only take offense to this one because I'm a former drain on the public payroll.
Ah, a comment that combines my favorite aspects of this post: gun nerdery and conspiracy mongering.
Alden Pyle seems to know a little too much...
Jesse Jackson wishes he could hire ninjas. Then again, so do I. KEE-YAH, BITCH!
Alden Pyle is just a fount of inappropriate thoughts.
I think we on the left wing of the blogosphere can learn a bit from these civilized, respectful folks.

Monday, August 25, 2008

Dem Convention Day One

Coming to you live from Denver, Colorado Bushwick, Brooklyn (get real folks), it's my catharsis from an agonizing day of immersing myself in the hell that is high gear electoral politics. First things first, how about the awesome new McCain ad?

Serious question: does John McCain have something against charisma? I'd love to spend my time pointing out the many ways this Debra Bartoshevich is a traitor to both her gender and her party, but I'm too mesmerized by the idea that those were the best takes whoever directed this ad got. Come on, the acting like she's thinking when talking about judgment? They may as well have just had her pose as the Thinking Man.

Which leads to me to what I was doing all day before the Met game started: perusing a few rabidly pro-Hillary sites committed to proving to us that Barack Obama stole the election from their candidate. Sure, I'm a proud member of the "Is Barack Obama the Antichrist?" Facebook group, but even I have trouble understanding the attitudes of the P.U.M.As.

Nevermind all that though, it's nothing but a ridiculous distraction from the main event, the opening of the GREATEST CONVENTION EVAR or something of that sort. It was kinda boring, but it was also the first day f four of this bullshit. I wish I could tell you more about the Kennedy speech, but it came at the same time as Mike Pelfrey was completing the first back-t0-back complete games by a Met pitcher in 13 years, and to be fair, Teddy was kind of before my time. Good for him though, making it up there.

I dug Michelle Obama's speech though. She sounded genuinely choked up for a lot of it, loudly and proudly said both, "I love America" and "God bless America," and did about all she could to prove to whitey that while she may not like mayo on everything, she won't be charging into their bedrooms screaming "Allahu Akbar" either. Bringing out the children to talk to Daddy over satellite was both incredibly hokey and awesomely effective, especially since the seven-year-old one kept screaming into the microphone like the precocious little scamp she is. If only Howard Cossell had been around to call her a cute little monkey, we'd have some real controversy to talk about tomorrow morning instead of more Camp Clinton v. Camp Obama sleepaway shenanigans.

The cable networks didn't exactly distinguish themselves with what I would call great coverage. After the sensory assault that's been the last year and a half, I honestly can't believe all the cable talking heads wanted more aggression

On CNN, their ticker ran the same 20 facts over and over again, cutting off a good eighth of the screen. Wolf Blitzer spoke over the beginning of Jesse Jackson, Jr.'s speech with his unnatural baritone and they didn't fullscreen the Kennedy tribute video for a few minutes of its broadcast. Blitzer also relentlessly hyped the idea that Kennedy might not even make an appearance, much less give a speech, but the bits I caught Kennedy looked as strong as a drunken, Irish bull. Maybe Wolf wanted to create his own Willis Reed moment, I don't know.

Slammer doesn't believe me, but Fox actually showed Michelle Obama in black and white and played scary monster music after going over her "For the first time in my life..." blah blah blah comment. Also, during the Jesse Jackson, Jr. speech, Bill O'Reilly decided to air one of those interminable segments he does about someone being mean to him. Him, Bill O'Reilly! Who could do such a thing??? Sniggering jackass Bill Kristol pooh-poohed Michelle Obama's speech because she didn't point out she went to Harvard and some blond white lady suggested that the speech was too liberal because Mrs. Obama chose to laud those who march and do public service more than she mentioned the troops.

Tomorrow I'll be out doing things, like seeing Rushmore with all the hipsters at McCarren Park, so I'll probably miss Hillary Clinton's historical history making speech about being a historical, history steeped candidate making electoral history, not like the other guy, Whatshisname.