Wednesday, September 10, 2008

You Can Put Clown Makeup On An Asshole, But It Still Stinks

Well there you have it, the stupid season of electoral politics has forced me to make up a disgusting and frankly, ill-conceived metaphor. Just to clarify though, I'm not calling Governor Jane Swift an asshole, at least with the metaphor, because I think an indirect insult like that would be cowardly. That being said, Jane Swift is an asshole. Lifted from Jake Tapper:

"[T]he formation of the Palin Truth Squad couldn't have happened too soon, as we saw when Sen. Obama in Lebanon, Va., this evening uttered what I can only deem to be disgraceful comments comparing our vice presidential nominee Gov. Palin to a pig," Swift said.

"Sen. Obama owes Gov. Palin an apology," she said.

Asked why she was so confident Obama was "comparing" Palin to a pig, she said Palin was the only one of the four candidates on both parties' tickets who wears lipstick.

"She is the only one of the four candidates for president, or the only vice presidential candidate who wears lipstick," Swift said. "I mean, it seemed to me a very gendered comment."

But, Swift added, if "as part of his apology Sen. Obama wants to say, no, he was calling Sen. McCain -- who is a true hero in our country -- a pig, then I suppose we could wait en masse for an apology to that, as well."

It was pointed out to Swift that, after the line about the pig, Obama had said, "You can wrap an old fish in a piece of paper called 'change,' it's still gonna stink after eight years."

Swift then suggested that Obama was calling McCain a fish.

"I have a fourth-grader and two second-graders at home," she said. "I would not teach them that this is sort of a high-minded debate on policy issues when they are calling people rotten old fish or a pig. In fact, it sounds a lot like some of the least intelligent debates on the playground sound like at our elementary school."

A reporter then reminded Swift that in December, McCain was asked about criticisms coming his way from then-opponent Gov. Mitt Romney, R-Mass., and McCain replied, "Never get into a wrestling match with a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it."

Was McCain calling Romney a pig? a reporter asked Swift.

Of course not, Swift said.

What can one possibly do about something like this? I wish I could just say that Jane Swift was dumb and leave it at that, but we all know that's not the case. This whole lipstick episode is pure evil, a calculated outrage so unbelievable that the only way to push it if you're someone like Jane Swift is to inoculate yourself completely to any common sense or decency. Blaming her for this completely brain dead reaction would be like blaming a pneumonia victim for having a coughing fit or, more aptly, blaming an epileptic for having a seizure. The slime is deeply encoded in her DNA now and the only thing we could have possibly hoped for is that it wouldn't spread.

But it did, and we're left again scratching our heads and wondering how America is going to elect yet another cabal of warmongers and Jesus freaks. But don't worry fellow dissenters, I hear the slug they put in your brain that makes you see the world like Jane Swift eats away at your brain pretty quickly, thus minimizing the pain.

1 comment:

tomeoftheunknownblogger said...

...going to elect yet another cabal of warmongers and Jesus freaks

Yeah, one wonders how any thinking person can listen to this tripe without a serious amount of eye-rolling.

But then, having lived in the midwest for a while, many of the faithful pretty much behave like they've been lobotomized. It's a pretty good trick that the conservatives have pulled - roping in that part of the populace who have already given over their capability to think and choose to someone else.

I feel your frustration dude.