I dont know what has inspired me to write this. Perhaps its the pile of work staring me in the face which simply wont get done tonight. Perhaps its the knowledge that I will be facing a phalanx of Phillies fans tomorrow morning eager to rub salt in my wounds. Hell, perhaps its simply the god awful performance which I just witnessed on national tv (the second time this week on of my favorite teams have been embarassed on the world wide leader this week at that). But simply put, there is a crushing feeling of agony in the depths of my soul right now, and unfortunately, there is nothing I can do about it.
Being a sports fan is a funny thing. Most of us who follow sports have individual achievements, no matter how minor, which we should be more than happy to hang our hats on. But when it comes right down to it, you ultimately live or die by the success of your favorite team. I could hit the lottery tomorrow and I think I would still be upset about what happened tonight, what happened last year, what has been happening for the last month, and most of all, what almost certainly seems likely to happen again this season.
What is happening, of course, is another landslide of a finish by the New York Metropolitains. The sting of last year isn't there in many ways; what is happening cannot be called too much of shock in the end. But, at least for me, this season hurts more. As they say (correctly), fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. For the second season in a row the Mets have led me on for months on end, and are ultimately going to leave me feeling empty yet again. But as I sit here today, I know that I dont have anyone else to blame but myself.
I can only blame myself because ultimately, its a choice to follow a sports team. I have no doubt that David Wright is dying inside because of what happened tonight, but he could at least control the outcome. I, on the other hand, chose to put my hopes and dreams into a squad which really seems capable of doing absolutely nothing but dashing them. This isnt to say, of course, that I could suddenly chose to be a fan of another team; quite the contrary, I'd rather lose a testicle than root for anyone but the Mets. But ultimately, thats just it; You buy the ticket, you take the ride, and I bought into the Mets, and there is nothing I can do now but sit back and take in a second straight downward spiral.
If this post seems rambling and incoherent, its because it is. There is no logical train of thought involved here. In actual fact, its impossible to put my feelings into words right now, but I have to say something to the empty void of the internet before the rest of this week runs its course. The motto of the Mets fan has always been "Ya Gotta Believe," but you have to have something to believe in, and this team is a Golden Calf when you get right down to it. It isnt a bad team, just a heartless team that doesnt believe in itself. I dont think that the Mets are content to go down like this, but I just dont think they know another way. Ever since Yadier Molina sent the mets packign just 2 years ago, the team has been in a fog, and they do not appear likely to walk out of it.
The agony of being a Mets fan is frighteningly real; the knowledge that they just wont get it done is just as apparent. As far as choices go, I know I cant choose to sit this one out, but I can choose to see the writing on the wall before its too late.