Tuesday, June 3, 2008

No, No, That's Not How It Fucking Works

Raise your hand if you were at all surprised by the giant success that was Sex And The City: The Really Long Episode You Paid Ten Bucks For Movie. Keep your hand up if you think that means anything outside of the fact that Sex and The City was a really popular TV show. Oh Jesus Christ, why are there so many hands up? Err, yes, you there, Melissa Silverstein, care to explain to me what this means?

Will the Success of Sex and the City Force Hollywood to Stop Ignoring Women?

Sighhhhhhhh. Fine then, go on.

Carrie & Co. have sent Hollywood into a frenzy -- and according to website Deadline Hollywood "looking through their film and TV libraries to see what else they can produce for the fortysomething-and-older female" -- thinking that maybe women, even those over 40, are a real potential audience. Finally.

Finally? What is this finally bullshit? I'm going to interrupt every one of your lines with a romantic comedy or chick flick until I run out of them or you run out of them. Ready? GO!

Whatever your thoughts on the actual content of Sex and the City,

The Notebook.

you can't help but acknowledge that this is a cultural watershed moment for women's films;

Must Love Dogs

that's true for a couple of reasons.

Made of Honor.

Harry Medved of Fandango monitored the growing interest and excitement:

Atonement.

In a survey on Fandango, 71% of the 10,000 respondents said that Hollywood does not create enough movies for adult females.

Serendipity. And those survey takers must be eating lead paint chips. Lead paint chips coated in fiberglass. Rolled in bees.

They've got a point there:

Because I Said So.

in 2007 only five of the top 50 grossing films starred or were focused on women and in 2006 the number was three

Definitely, Maybe (aka Everyone Just Forget Ryan Reynolds Starred In Van Wilder, OK?).

OK lady you win, because while I could just be lazy and keep doing this, I'd rather be immature and address the issues you brought up by making fun of you and calling you names.

But even in its overwhelming success, it's hard not to be disturbed by the double standard this film has been held to and the nasty tone in the media last week.

See what you did there? You didn't present one goddamn example of the nasty tone in the media.

What happens to the next film about women that doesn't engender this event-like status?

You mean like the next piece of shit Mandy Moore is gonna be in? You know, the game you're playing here, the rules are fixed totally against any bit of rational argument. The one and only reason the SATC movie was an event was because it was based on a hit HBO show that was on for like, ten thousand season. It comes with a pedigree, it comes with a built in fan base.

Additionally, the gendered marketing campaign placed the burden of success directly on the wallets of women.

So? When Spiderman came out it had nerds and only nerds to rely on, but they didn't piss and moan.

No other film has that burden.

Oh fuck you. From it's very inception Sex and The City was marketed to women, and there's nothing wrong with that. You can't now, in 2008, whine that a movie studio expected women to step up to the plate and see it.

Think about last year's hit film Wild Hogs.

In all honesty, you should probably not do that. Ever.

It was about four guys, including Tim Allen and John Travolta, on a middle-age road trip.

No love for William H. Macy or uhhh...the other one? And again, whatever argument you're making becomes so specious when you bring up a post-Pulp Fiction Travolta movie or a post-birth Tim Allen movie.

The film opened in March 2007 to $40 million.

This is actually evidence there is something desperately wrong with America.

This was not a film targeted at women, but women went to see it.

Women with families saw Wild Hogs. Idiotic women with their idiotic husbands and their terrible, idiotic spawn. Wild Hogs was marketed as an idiotic family comedy for idiots, and idiots responded.

The point is that women never got the impression that seeing a movie about four guys going through a mid-life crisis was not worthy of our time or money, the way Sex and the City was described to men.

No, idiot, the point is that a comedy marketed as family safe drivel will attract the entire family. Families (at least standard families that would willingly sit through this bullshit) include women. Usually we call them "Mommy."

No movie about men or starring men has ever had to deal with headlines like "Can Women Alone Make Sex and the City a Hit?" (AP); "Sex sells, but will men see City?" (Variety);

What movie about men has so much talk about shoes and apartment shopping? Again, this was a conscious decision by whoever released SATC to try to capture the audience of the TV show, which was primarily...women! Oh, and teh gays.

Time Out NY ran a cover photo which had duct tape over the four women's mouths with the headline: "No Sex! Enough Already -- we love 'em, but it's just too much."

Go fly a kite lady. Time Out New York, as a New York-centric publication has every right to piss and moan about Sex and The City, because it is a completely made up version of New York City. Sex and The City's New York would be akin to claiming a show is set in Los Angeles and then filming it on the fucking moon. Or better yet, a moon of Jupiter. God, your persecution complex is incredible.

All detractors aside, women proved themselves as a force this weekend as never before.

Yes, thank Betty Freidan's magic vagina that women came out to see a movie marketed aggressively towards them and only them. Maybe their next show of force can be somewhere else totally inconsequential, like the roller derby or the world of hot air balloon racing.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

you sound like a fucken retard. go fuck yourself loser!

tomeoftheunknownblogger said...

Hmm, well Pulp. Looks like you have a non-fan there in "anonymous". They probably suffer from idolatry of Sex and the City (God, I nearly gagged just typing that!)

Anyways, nice rant. Some companion rants, if you're interested, can be found here and here.

Rob

Slammnardo said...

GO FUCK YURSELF LOSER! SEX IN THE CITY PWNSSS

Slammnardo said...

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Anonymous said...

YO PULP YOU A BITCH SATC IS MAD GOOD SON

Pulp said...

Finally, an anonymous tell off. This is something I've been waiting for my whole blogging career, and now that it's here, I just hope I can keep the magic going.