Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Glenn Beck Must Be Lonely Or Depressed Or Something

Brothers and sisters, I believe we have lost our way. While all this talk about feminist theory and its accompanying talk off dicks and labia and fantastic tits has got me all randy, I think we're forgetting the true meaning of this blog: to make fun of really really stupid people. So keeping up with that mission, may I introduce Glenn Beck's latest commentary for CNN.com.

Now, Glenn doesn't get much play around here, probably because it would require me to listen to his radio show or watch his TV show without putting my fist or foot through either appliance. I've seen complaints about him around the internet, and I still rank the time he asked Keith Ellison if he was a terrorist as one of the worst television moments in the history of the medium. So you can only imagine his intellectually rigorous take on the economy.

Show me an economist who thinks that giving tax rebate checks to our poorest citizens is the best idea and I'll show you two economists who say that business tax cuts provide the most bang for the buck. Show me a statistic that proves stimulus packages keep an economy out of recession and I'll show you two that prove they do nothing but stimulate the deficit.

This is something that happens in the land we call "science" Glenn. People float theories and have disagreements. Do you have any examples of these economists or are you going to just move on to folksy aphorisms?

It reminds me of that old saying, "statistics don't lie, but liars use statistics"

That reminds me of an old saying, "Every right wing pundit pretends to be stupid because they think their listeners are."

because, when it comes to the economy, almost everyone is a liar.

Does this mean you're lying too Glenn Beck? Please God, don't let it be true!!!

Following this is a long story about FEMA and debit cards and Glenn finally gets to his idea to save the economy. Instead of spending a gazillion dollars to cut and print rebate checks that might not even get spent, give all taxpayers a debit card so they'll be forced to buy needless consumer goods. Hey look, it's interesting, and if the stimulus is going to basically be us dumping money out the window, maybe we should not also spend money to physically make checks. So, what's wrong with the article?

Just so we're clear, I actually hate this idea.

Sigh. I'm going to walk way for a second and see if that line disappears from the article.

...

Just so we're clear, I actually hate this idea.

Is that where we're at right now? Pundits have to be debating themselves because people are ignoring them? Does Glenn Beck have some kind of self-esteem issue that he has to immediately discount an idea that he brought up? What the hell has been gained or added to the debate if after putting forth an idea, you add the qualifier that you hate it? It's like telling someone about this really awesome ice cream flavor you're coming up with that's gonna have chocolate and a caramel ribbon and brownie pieces and maybe some peanut butter and a goofy name like "Chocolatepalooza" or "Ultra Super Duper Taste-o Supreme-o" and then you stop your excited patron and say, "But actually, to tell you the truth, it'll probably taste really bad."

So if everyone who talks about the economy is a liar, and you hate your own idea, what the fuck was the point of this article?

I believe the government should stay out of the way and let the markets correct themselves...But let's face it: the stimulus ship has sailed and I hate this idea a lot less than the one that was just jammed through Congress.

Instead of sticking to your guns and waiting for your invisible hand to rescue everyone, you're just capitulating and taking a side for the sake of taking a side? Get a backbone you putz, and stop wasting everyone's time. If total fucking assholes were meant to have access to national audiences, we'd have fat drug addicts and meathead knuckle draggers setting the talk radio agenda. And we know that's just not true.

1 comment:

Slammnardo said...

This guy has no redeeming value. Not even worth the attention of a blog post. At least O'Reilly is a comedian and Limbaugh got caught taking legal heroin.