Let The Resurgence Of New Journalism Begin Today!

Capote, Mailer, Thompson, Wolfe. These luminaries blazed a unique path in the art of journalism. They defied old standards and broke more rules than your average con. Through it all, they inspired a generation of writers to think outside the staid conventions of the inverted pyramid. Today, we can add a new name to the glorious ranks of New Journalism: Tuffy R. Yes, with his harrowing story of purchasing an issue of Penthouse, Tuffy R. shows us that the evocative style of these masters of the English language can easily translate to the internet age.

OK, done laughing? I sure as hell am not. What I linked to up there is the story of a 32-year-old man buying pornography and almost having a nervous breakdown while doing it. Am I missing some kind of a joke here? Last time I checked, pornography is not only legal, but it's fucking advertised on television if you watch late enough at night. Yet this full grown adult almost has a stroke because he thinks soccer moms and teenage girls are going to see the magazine he carries out of a store with him.

Maybe it's just my big city seen-it-all-cynicism. Maybe it's because every time I walk to my friend Mike's apartment I pass the same "DVD store" with the same ad for Kim Kardashian Superstar and some other porno poster. Maybe small town Illinois is as backwards as the liberal media has made it out to be. I just can't understand how buying a porno rag is epic or funny when you're almost double the legal age to own it. This isn't heroin or human trafficking you're involving yourself in, and in the age of internet pornography, it's also a very tame magazine that's being purchased.

So thank you Tuffy R. Thank you for bringing me back to the glory days of New Journalism and thank you to your commenters for proving that Deadspin has plenty of giggling 12-year-olds in the bodies of adults. If anyone needs me, I'll be at the corner store trying to buy a pack of cigarettes without bursting into tears.