Thursday, January 3, 2008

Iowaaaaaaaa Madnessssss

Fucking finally, the Iowa caucuses have come and gone, and I for one can't wait to ship New Hampshire down the very same garbage chute. It's not that I don't enjoy the first shot of the presidential election. As much as I play the cynic, I care, if only because I am a true and helpless News Junkie. Still, how excited can someone get about the least democratic aspect of the election? A much more interesting question, I think, than why did Obama and Huckabee win Iowa is why can't the Rangers score a fucking goal? Is it an issue of coaching? Fran Healy's old favorite, confidence? Or has Jaromir Jagr just gotten old and Chris Drury proven a bust?

Different sport for a different time I guess, since I'm now here to talk about Iowa. I'm mostly here to laugh at Greasebot though, who after unloading all the negative ammo he could about Mike Huckabee, not only lost the moral highground (or did he?), but the ridiculously overhyped first round of the primaries. Romney I'm sure now will race off to New Hampshire, babbling and promising that when he gets there, he'll stomp Mike Huckabee like a cold and ruthless assassin.

He just might too. The people of New Hampshire don't take kindly to big government, and it sure as hell isn't going to sound any better coming from some oily Jesus freak with a preacher's smile and corrupt sense of entitlement. He'll also face a tough fight from Rudy Giuliani, who for all his talk about not caring about Iowa got flat out embarassed with 3 percent of the vote. Ron Paul, by contrast, got 10 percent. Rudy can talk a big game about Florida and Super Tuesday, but he may not be able to recover from the media shitstorm of two complete flops to open the year. If he can't, good, he deserves it.

As for the Democrats, I can't say I'm unhappy Barack Obama came out on top. For all the noise progressives were making about Edwards being the realest dude on the block, I also feel like he's the only candidate with nothing to lose. He talks a big game now, but he also isn't a senator or representative of any sort, so when this is over he can go host a talk show or get a column somewhere. If the man won the nomination, I wonder if he would be less the liberal firebrand and more the moderate we knew in his time in the Senate.

Again, I'm not looking to get that excited about this. It was the first vote of the election and it didn't even come in a real primary. So instead, I leave the last word in this post to Christopher Hitchens, who despite his support of the war, still manages excellent analysis and invective such as this:
So, once you subtract the breathless rhetoric about "surge" and "momentum" and (oh, Lord) "electability," it's finally admitted that the rest of the United States is a passive spectator while about half of 45 percent of 85,000 or so Republican caucus voters promote a provincial ignoramus and anti-Darwinian to the coveted status of "front-runner" or at least "contender."

1 comment:

Annie said...

Obama I could see coming from a mile off because Iowans love nothing better the a politician who glows charimatically (and Oprah stumping for him didn't hurt either). Besides, Democrats are all about electability (god, not even a real word) and Hillary just doesn't have Bill's touch (or glow). Edwards though truly has nothing to lose. You are right. But he scares me a bit because that mania is likely being driven a lot by the fact that he is watching his wife die by inches right now and that is a volatile fuel.

Huckabee?!? Lord but I am embarrassed to be from Iowa. Did you know that Rick Mercer has the guy on tape sometime after 9/11 congratulating Canada for preserving their national igloo. (They also caught Vilsack - Iowa's former gov too.)
Seriously sad in a cruel and funny way.