Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Oh God, Please Kill Me Them Somebody



Everything and I mean everything about this movie is an abomination. Someday when you have children and they ask you why you're such a mean, bitter old bastard, sit them down and explain that you grew up in an era when there was war and famine and poverty all across the world. Yet somehow people flocked to movies like Epic Movie and Date Movie and their creators were rewarded with more chances to make movies. These movies cost upwards of 20 million American dollars to produce. It would be hacky to go into all the wonderful things that money could provide, but needless to say, even if you took the money and used to to release radioactive, poisonous scorpions in the Mall of America on Christmas Eve, it would be a better use of the money than giving it to Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg.

2 comments:

Rob said...

Pulp,

For a few minutes there I thought you were going to hack on "The 300" which, while not a stupendous flick, did not warrant this sort of rant.

As I watch little or no TV, I had not yet heard of this latest theatrical "offering". Based on the preview clip you provided, however, I concur with your assessment.

BTW, I am already a mean, bitter old bastard without the benefit of tripe like this.

Could radioactive, poisonous scorpions be released in the Mall of America? Or any other monument to consumerist greed?

Seriously, good post.

Pulp said...

No, I wouldn't rag on 300 without seeing it. Especially when shit like this and Mitt Romney exists for me to get angry about.

As for the scorpions, our best bet would probably be to release The Scorpions in tanks that use depleted uranium shells on an unsuspecting Minnesota populace. Unless someone out there knows a good geneticist. Then it's on.