Memo To NBC

Re: Your Advertising Campaign

You know, it's bad enough I have to sit through endless pimping of your crap lineups I won't watch. And now, it's painful enough watching your NFL halftime show. But I digress.

"A lineup so powerful we can only call it 'Bionic Wednesday.'"

Seriously? That's why it's called Bionic Wednesday? Because it's powerful? Because bionic doesn't mean powerful. It means "having particular physiological functions augmented or replaced by electronic or electromechanical components". I mean, you could have your computer parts made out of old Pentium Pro 120Mhz processors (my first computer!). Then your bionics won't be tough, they'll be way out of date and probably get you killed when you try to rescue the President from genetically engineered gorillas. So just be honest and tell us that Bionic Wednesday is named as such because it's the day you happen to air that shit. After all, Howie Mandel don't have no damn computer parts.