Monday, July 9, 2007

Too Drunk To Wank

You ever have one of those nights where you get home from the bar and you're alone and you can't even masturbate? God, that shit is pathetic.
-anonymous bar patron, approximately 3:30am

Ain't it the truth. We've all had those nights, admit it. Passing out drunk with your limp dick in your hand, waking up with a little puke on your shirt and your roommates yelling something about "Why can't you do that in your room?" Well sorry folks, but some of us get off sitting pantsless on leather.

Presidential politics will soon take on that kind of wearied, beaten feeling, if they haven't for some of you already. The Grey Lady herself has dropped the shocking bomb that while just about everyone, from liberals to undecided morons to registered Republicans are giddy about the prospect of Not George Bush being President, many of those same people are already sick of the campaign. Well of course you are, the campaign started in earnest once Congress got passed on to the party of surrender and amnesty.

George Bush has had so little power since November 06 that it's a testament to either his "conviction" (the Weekly Standard, Newsmax) or his "total contempt for the will of the electorate" (anybody with a working brain) that he's kept going. The man would have been better served going into hiding on a tropical beach somewhere and raiding the public treasury than continue about this fool's errand of being the worst and most unpopular president in the modern era. At least if he hit the beach people might finally wake up and see the similarities between us and any number of banana republics out there. Ah, but of course. In most Third World dictatorships, the president calls the shots, not the shadowy vice-presidential cyborgs behind the scenes. But really, technologically, Central America just isn't there yet, give them time.

Shit, I got myself all in a tangent again. Just about anything is better than talking about this election, but what else is there really? As tired of it as I already am, could you imagine a world where we weren't actively debating our Dick Cheney replacements? I can. It's a horrible little age called 2005, when Americans woke up on Inauguration Day and remembered that the asshole from Midland beat the prick from Boston and we were in for another four years of "stay the course". And my what a course we've kept on. The economy, from everything the talking heads have told me, has been robust enough to keep us fat happy and stupid, which is a shock to me. We keep losing wars, pissing off our allies and screaming the merits of creationism so I don't rightly know what we make anymore. But I guess it's something because people other than the Jews are making money. Maybe we make synergy. I love that shit.

So be weary of presidential politics, but do so with this healthy warning: let anyone but Ron Paul and Dennis Kucinich win the Iowa caucuses and you'll be looking at a lot more than primary fatigue. You'll be looking at a collection of political pros who smell blood in the water and want their opportunity to feed from its source. As we get put to sleep by the same tired cliches about the War On Terror that have somehow, in six short years become laughable, we'll never see the patient Chinese waiting to smother us with a pillow when we finally pass out. I guess we've earned it.

1 comment:

Slammnardo said...

That's an amazing quote