Tuesday, May 22, 2007

You Dropped the Gun? Gangstalicious, That Is Not Gangsta!

Seriously guys, what the fuck? When I come home from a forum on the horrible new immigration bill, where I get to eat lots of fruit and shrimp and meatballs, I wanna come home and be greeted with a handjob. Wait...you don't really have an impact on that. But you know, a win would be nice. Instead I get greeted with this.

What is your major malfunction Metropolitans.?I'm not worried or anything. I'm just annoyed. I mean, beat the Braves assholes. Is that so much to ask? Especially you Delgado. I see you grounded into another double play today. You get out of this slump or I staple Larry the Cable Guy to your back and make you listen to his jokes all 24/7. Or maybe I'll cut all the seatbelts out of your car and then you'll keep getting tickets from the cops. Click It or Ticket Carlos. Click It or Ticket. Christ you people irritate me. In fact, I've just about had it with all of you. Fuck ya'll.

OK, ok, I'm calm. So like I said guys, just beat the Braves, cause I like that. Now, here's a gameplan I made up for you:

Offense - Wait until the ball is in the strike zone. Hit the ball with the bat as hard as you can. If the ball goes over the fence, jog slowly until you reach the spot you were previously awaiting the pitch. Blow kisses to the crowd if you wish. If the ball does not go over the fence, proceed to the nearest base until a fielder in your proximity has possession of the ball.

Defense - Catch ball when it is hit to you. Throw ball to first base if the ball rolls on the ground towards you. Do not drop the ball.

Pitcher - Throw the ball as hard as you can into the strike zone. Make sure you throw it past the bat of the current batter. Sometimes throw a pitch which curves, slides, dives or appears to move fast but actually moves slow. This will deceive the batter.

Now then, should you use this plan, I believe you will allow me to come home to a handjob win.

1 comment:

Ush said...

So the giant bong...just decorative?