Monday, May 14, 2007

Martha Stewart Will Fucking Rule You

Just keep smiling Lindsay. It's all you can do. You think Martha Stewart is afraid of your punk ass? Hell no. You just keep stirring and giggling. Martha Stewart's been to prison. Federal pound me in the ass prison. I saw that CBS TV movie*.

That's really just an incredible moment of live television. I feel like if George Bush was put in that situation Stewart would have said things like, "Is there anyone in the world who can tell you, 'George, don't start a war tonight'?" and "Hey, I start wars too. Not like you, but..." What are you gonna do, yell at Martha Stewart? Who cares she went to prison? She's America's cold, WASPy voice of domestic bliss. You fuck with that, you fuck with the flag, the eagle, the apple pie, the baseball and so on ad nauseum.

After watching her carve up Lohan, I feel Martha Stewart could head up the Department of Evil. Not because she's bad, mind you. But because she would pull off the evil with the kind of calm, efficient evil that would keep costs down and terror up, up, up.



*twice

1 comment:

The Blonde Menace said...

I love Martha Stewart and now Pulp, I love you, for posting about Martha on your blog. You are now my hero twice over, Mr. Acosta.

P.S. One day I will take over Martha's evil empire and my cupcakes will rule the land. Be warned.