Thursday, May 31, 2007

Embrace the Darkness

It's about time this happened. Alex Rodriguez could only exist in this artificial bubble of his only so long before one of two things would happen: he would become a saint or he would become a villain. And I for one, am glad that he chose villainy.

Don't get it twisted: the cheating on the wife? Not nice, but not something that other people don't do, certainly not something that Paul LoDuca could razz him about. But bringing your ho to five different cities around the country? And so completely not giving a fuck in Toronto that you blatantly walk through a hotel lobby with her? That ain't stupidity, that's a giant middle finger to you yours and mine.

Immediately following it up with a bush league play that even your teammates can't back you up on? Yowie zowie, that is straight villainous.

The man approves

I'm not sitting here celebrating what I think is going to be some kind of pile on on A-Rod, because that would be boring. In fact, most of his Yankee career has been pretty boring to me. Mike and The Mad Dog were still ranting about his Central Park photoshoot tonight, as if it was some kind of sin. And that's probably the worst thing he's done as a Yankee. Yes, let's all condemn a man who happened to be tanning in Central Park. What? You for real for real?

No, A-Rod did everything he could to be Mr. Likable, and what did he get for it? Boos and shit talk, everywhere he went. Man couldn't even catch a break at The House that Ruth Built, despite the probability that he was a much nicer guy than the alcoholic fat ass who ended a World Series with a caught stealing. But where was I?

Ah yes, the boos. The no-clutch. Keep in mind this was a man who hit over .400 in his first Yankee playoff series and plated the first two runs in Game 4 of that year's ALCS. He went a little cold, but so did everyone else in that fakakta line-up, even Captain Clutch. Then, he went and only hit 48 home runs and won the MVP in 2005. Still faced boos. And yeah, that '05 post-season was ugly stuff. But the worst moment had to come when A-Rod, Mr. Clean, got called out by Jason Giambi of all people, in a humiliating Sports Illustrated article.

Through it all, A-Rod tried to be nice. And that shit ended this year. We all misread his Jeter sleepover quotes, not realizing that this was Alex starting to unfurl that middle finger. Content with stepping in to a new skin, A-Rod was reborn and has been raking ever since.

And good for him, I say. A-Rod never seemed comfortable in New York as a good guy. He didn't have the magnetic charisma of David Ortiz, the puppy energy of Jose Reyes or even the stoner friendly otherworldness of Manny Ramirez. He was Blank-Rod, the stone faced mercenary with the cross of talent on his back and the crown of dollars on his head.

Think about why the Star Wars prequels didn't work. One of the reasons was the complete inability of anyone to get involved with the story of young Anakin Skywalker. Here was the most evil motherfucker in the galaxy, and it turns out he was just an irritating ten year old and a sniveling teenager. Things only get interesting when he becomes the most ruthless insecure teenager in the galaxy, letting loose a holocaust of destruction across the universe.

And that's what we should start seeing from A-Rod. I want to see him fuck his mistress on the Yankee Stadium mound in the middle a tour. I want to see him sit as his locker and spit sunflower seeds at reporters who ask him questions, then answer them with complete contempt. Re-tear Aaron Boone's ACL while he's sleeping, steal the mustache off of W.B. Mason's face and then reveal to the world that George Steinbrenner has been dead for years. Alex, I beg you, start wearing a rainbow fur coat everywhere you go and openly negotiate with other teams regarding your opt-out clause. You tried being nice and you tried being plain. It's about time you tried being evil.

1 comment:

Epidimos said...

perfect. just perfect. sometimes dave's mind actually thinks up useful stuff.