Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Ze Mailbag; Where Have You Gone, Gay-Rod?

As the spike in the national suicide rate over the past month indicates, our loyal readers have clearly missed the hugely popular mailbag feature. Now, naturally, I've been very busy during my recent hiatus from the blog, but have decided to return to doing what I do best; being smarter than you. Lets go to the mail bag...

Yo Bushido,
Looks like A-Rod's back at it again, hitting meaningless April home runs and padding his stats early on so that his inevitable choking down the stretch doesn't taint his precious numbers. What a bum, right?
Cleon, Astoria, New York

Cleon,
What have you been smoking? I hate the Yanks as much as the next guy, but to sit here and diminsh what A-Rod has been doing this season is just plain silly. Yes, his home runs are coming early in the season, but early in the season is when pitchers are supposed to be (at least theoretically) ahead of the hitters, and given the cold weather and the numbers of other "power hitters," there is simply no way to say that this start is anything short of amazing. Now, he's naturally going to slump at some point, but unless he gets hurt, I don't see A-Rod cooling off that much. In other words, sit back, shut up, and whether you hate the Yanks or love them, enjoy what Rodriguez is doing; this could be the type of season that you tell your grandkids about.

Hello Bushido,
What the bloody hell is going on with the Gunners? A disappointing season, potential AMERICAN ownership, and Arsene Wenger still insisting that he isn't going to go out and sign world class players. Its enough to make a chap gag on his eel pie.
Winston, Manchester, England

Firstly, the sight of eel pie should be enough to make a person gag; Arsenal should have nothing to do with it. But that being said, it has been a strange year for the Gunners. Early exits from all the top competitions and a likely fourth place finish are bad enough, but made that much worse by the turmoil surrounding the clubs changes on the business end and, naturally, the fact that Arsene is still to concerned with looking smarter than everyone else to go out and spend big money on a top player. But you see, Winston, this is why American ownership is not necessarily the worst thing for the club. Singular ownership makes a single person accountable, and in turn makes everyone answer to the same person. More to the point, Arsenal is in serious debt from the Emirates Stadium project, and could certainly use a cash infusion, particularly from an owner with a winning pedigree. Kroenke oversaw the Rams reign as the greatest show on turf, the Avalanche's second Stanley Cup, and a string of competitive Nuggets teams. At this point, and given the fact that things may not get much better next season unless Wenger is willing to make some sweeping changes, Arsenal could do a lot worse.

Yo Bushido,
THE KNICKS...THE FUCKING KNICKS...ARRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
(unsigned)
Ever since the Knicks fell out of contention this season, I have been getting a lot of mail about the state of the franchise. However, I felt this anonymous letter best summed up the feelings of the fan base. In short, if the lottery balls bounce the wrong way, lock your doors and shut your windows, because roving gangs of homicidal Knicks fans will likely be controlling the streets in a scene reminiscent of The Road Warrior. Its easy to understand why Zeke made the Eddy Curry trade; he thought that the Knicks wouldn't be in the lottery during these last two seasons, and that the swap would likely only involve moving down 1 or 2 spots, if at all. However, it is impossible to understand why he felt this way. Certainly some felt that Larry Brown would bring the franchise back to the playoffs, but anyone who felt he would do it in his first season, with a squad full of rookies and role players, had watched Hoosiers one time too many. The fact is, the Knicks have a good center, but may have surrendered a true franchise player in the process if they lad a spot in the top three. And even though the Knicks are a young, talented team which should compete for a playoff spot next season, if Greg Oden or Kevin Durant suit up for the Bulls next year, there will likely be a major backlash from Knicks fans (who know, as the commercial said), one which could cost Zeke his job if Dolan gets up from his mound of cocaine long enough to notice the reality of this franchise, not that I see that happening any time soon.

In short, it's enough to make a man gag on his eel pie.

2 comments:

Ush said...

We demand more mailboxes.

Apartment 618 said...

Yep, these are our readers...

A buncha Daves and some guy fro Washington...