Last night, I received some horrifying news. Our patron saint, Gil Meche, left his start with a hamstring injury yesterday. I've been violently depressed, doing nothing but eating ice cream, crying, and listening to Karen Carpenter on a constant loop all day. Just thinking about all those poor Kansas Citians bereaved of their greatest hero since Burt Bacharach makes me cry a single tear. Now, I'm sure upon hearing this, you're asking yourself, "surely $55 million isn't enough to solve this problem, so what can I do to help ease the pain of this national tragedy?" I agree, so if anyone has high-level connections inside the Jerry Lewis camp, I think a telethon is in order. Gil, you'll never walk alone.
I would personally like to extend my best wishes to the entire Meche family in their hour of need; we're going to get through this guys, one step at a time.