Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Ze Mailbag, She is Full!

It might surprise you, but despite the lack of comments this blog actually gets mullions of readers a day. Our readers are a fanatical lot who in turn send us tens of millions of emails, even more than our army of chimpanzee mail room clerks can handle. Now, in the past, our policy was to respond to these e-mails by sending an 8 x 10 photo of 70's teen heartthrob David Cassidy signed by Ush, but following our quality control meeting last week, we have decided to instead respond to some choice emails right here on the blog. Enjoy.

Hey Bushido,
I read somewhere that the Mets have a super old rotation and that because they failed to give Barry Zito everything he wanted they are going finish in last place. This is true, right?
Rich, Wahpeton, North Dakota

You know what, I read somewhere that people in North Dakota are fucking morons, but until today, I wasn't positive that it was true. Do the Mets have two old pitchers in their rotation? Yes. But while El Duque may fit the prototypical mold for an old pitcher who is going to break down (though really, he has been old and breaking down since the 1930's), Tom Glavine has shown himself to be ageless, and should cruise past 300 wins this season while posting excellent numbers. Beyond that, the Mets have three pitchers in their 20's (as it seems clear that Mike Pelfrey will be in the rotation), and while none of them are as "good" (read: hyped) as Barry Zito, none of them cost $100 mil for 7 years, and all of them are solid enough pitchers. Factor in that the Mets may get Pedro back for the late season stretch, and that they have dealable prospects (thanks in part to the fact that they didn't trade Milledge for Zito) who will likely be used to pick up a starter at some point, and I'm pretty confident in the Mets ability to win the division yet again, and if things break the right way (cause, lets face it, St. Louis didn't exactly have a killer rotation last year), the World Series.

Bushido,
Hello chap, I just wanted to hear your thoughts on the Arsenal's failure to secure any sort of hardware this season. Arsene Wenger really bollocksed up this campaign, right? Cheerio!
Barnaby, London, England

Oh good, a soccer question; my time to shine. Barnaby, this season certainly was a disappointment for Arsenal, especially when you consider the high hopes created by last seasons appearance in the Champions League Final. There are, of course, a number of reasons for this situation, most notably the Gunners injury issues; I don't think any team could produce hardware without their top two strikers, and the loss of Robin Van Persie early and Thierry Henry's inability to get healthy (no doubt exacerbated by that cunt Raymond Domeneech's decision to play him for the full match in meaningless friendlies) quite literally crippled the squad. But the squad never really got going this year, and lacked any sort of cutting edge from the beginning of the Premiership campaign, and blame for this must fall squarely on Wenger's shoulders. I had no problem with his failure to make any real top notch acquisitions during the summer transfer window (Rosicky and the Gallas for Cole swap aside), but when January rolled around, and the teams problems became quite clear, he didn't even look to make any impact pick ups, and that failure is a big reason why the squad will be trophy less again this season. Nevertheless, the team will still likely qualify for the Champions League again, and hopefully Wenger is finally willing to make some changes during the summer. Otherwise, we will be having this conversation again this time next year.

Hey Bushido,
Do you have any clever sports analogies to describe some crappy network TV shows? I know that's all I want to read about.
Bill, LA, California

I hope you die in a fire.

Bushido,
Any thoughts on March Madness? I mean, it is the biggest sports event this time of year, yet I haven't seen a single post about it on the site.
Carmine, Providence, Rhode Island

Carmine, March Madness is amply covered by Deadspin and other quality sites, who can provide their readers with the up to the minute dick jokes that they need. I'm sure someone will post something about the final four, but the urgency just isn't there.
As for my thoughts on the tourney so far, well, I really don't have any. A few compelling games, but really, after the great George Mason story last year, it was pretty much a given that this years March Madness would be far less interesting, and it has been. My whole final four is still in it, so I'm sticking with my pick of Georgetown, but I really couldn't care less.


Bushido,
We want no part of integration with this wicked race of devils. But The Honorable Elijah Muhammad also says we should not be expected to leave America empty-handed. After four hundred years of slave labor, we have some back pay coming. A bill that is owed to us and must be collected. If the government of America truly repents of its sins against our people and atones by giving us our true share of the land and the wealth, then America can save herself. But if America waits for God to step in and force her to make a just settlement, God will take this entire continent away from the white man. And the Bible says that God can then give the kingdom to whomsoever he pleases. I thank you.
Malcolm, New York, New York

Yep, these are our readers...

2 comments:

Alea said...

Dear Bushido,

Can we make "Ze Mailbag" a monthly installation on the blog? I enjoyed it immensely. By the way, we all know the fact that you randomly chose the soccer mail was not mere coincidence. Additionally, I've grown tired of my David Cassidy photo with Ush signature and was wondering if I could get a racy 8x10 of Ush signed by Cassidy?

Yours truly,
Alea

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