Ush- Thanks for agreeing to this interview, Kobe.
Kobe- No Problem.
U- So Kobe, the league suspended you one game for hitting Manu in the face at the end of the Lakers-Spurs game. Were you surprised?
K- Absolutely. I was stunned.
U- It must have brought back a lot of memories from Colorado.
K- Um….I don’t know what you mean.
U- Well, you probably haven’t had to hit anyone that hard since you raped the girl from Colorado, right?
K- I didn’t rape anyone.
U- Of course you didn’t, Kobe. Now, let me change the topic slightly. How does it feel carrying out the works of Satan?
K- (Stares at Ush blankly)
U- (Holding out a cross and some garlic) THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU! THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU!
K- Man, I’m leaving.
U- (Stabs Kobe in the head with an ice pick).