Dear Sarah Spain,
Hey, you’ve got the last name of the country my family once got run out of. And they say anti-Semitism doesn’t bring anyone together but Nazis and orphans.
But that’s not what this is about. I think I wanna talk about this jacket. This jacket I just got. It’s insane, this jacket. See, a couple nights ago I went out to dinner with my cousin and her fiancé and dude just gives me this Triple 5 Soul coat that he says don’t fit him anymore. This jacket is pimp.
Of course, in
I’m a simple man Sara. All I want in life is to get stoned and quit getting bad haircuts. Seriously, like, every time I go out and try to get a trim, I somehow end up with a mullet. It’s fucking infuriating. But on the other hand, I’m high right now as I type this. Can you tell?
My picture includes me without a mullet, obviously out doing something fun. I mean, I’m screaming, and that’s always a good sign unless you’re running from terrorists. Or ghosts. Or the ghost of a most notorious terrorist. Yipes! Also, note the pretty girl in the picture with me. As you can see, I know how to hang out with pretty girls. This means you can trust me to not lunge at your breasts within five minutes of meeting you.
I also have experience with Axe personal cleanliness products. As a freshman in college I once bought a can of Axe. Christ did that shit stink. I think I sprayed it on my body a total of five times at most. The rest of the can went towards covering up weed smells when we smoked in the dorms.
I think all these attributes and more make me the perfect candidate to come meet you and your friends and smoke a super bowl with you three. Sure it’s an expensive trip all the way to